Inside the Mind of Crazy
by Axidnt Prone
Summary: CHAPTER FOUR: Denise mumbled, “Sock jokes aren’t funny…” “I HAD REALLY WANTED TO BORROW A PAIR OF SOCKS. IT WAS NOT A JOKE.”
1. Chapter 1

-1**INSIDE THE MIND OF CRAZY**

**SUMMARY: **Lily Evans, to be frank, is a little insane. Her mind is filled with grilled cheese, socks, and Ryan Rochester. WARNING: Includes sticky head girls, sock stealers, and disturbing thoughts. DIARY FORMAT

**This story is a basic…**

**One part humor - **Continue to read. You will see I am not lying. I have been blessed with a gift, and it would be selfish of me to kept it to myself.

**One part drama - **hopefully better than _Laguna Beach _- the first and second season, not the crappy third, because those wore, of course, THE BEST.

**One part fluff - **Because or else I will have so many random things in my head, and I will blow. And no one likes reading a fan fiction in which the authors head has actually BLOWN UP. Well, I don't know actually. Maybe they doNo one every appreciates an artist until they die. And it helps if they die graphically, too. Maybe I'll pull a Josh Swensen.

**One part pure "stop eating the paste!" type of actions - **Aw, come on. Who doesn't love a kid who eats paste? That's what I'd like to know. We've all been tempted by that sweet scent of Elmer's Glue. If you weren't suppose to eat it, they simply would not make it smell so delicious.

AND. . . GO!

---

_**Sunday, September 23rd**_

_**Heads Common Room**_

I have been forced to write in a diary, and I am soaking wet. Oh, yes.

Not just wet. I'M ALSO STICKY. And, once again, I know who to thank.

**JAMES FRICKEN POTTER**.

("YES, DENISE, I DO NEED TO WRITE THIS BIG!")

Do you want to know why? Huh? HERE'S WHY!

---  
_BEGIN TRAUMATIC FLASHBACK_

"_What," I asked, "are you doing?"_

_The two girls looked at me, a complete look of innocence on their faces. Well, they were first years. They had not yet been corrupted._

_One of the girls, a blonde that didn't reach my elbow, went, "We're the lookout," only to be whacked in the arm by her raven haired friend._

"_Jeez, Cami! Cool it!" The blond said, rubbing her arm. I knew how she felt. Being only five three I am often bullied by my friends. They simply do not realize how strong they are, you know, compared to little old me._

_But the dark haired girl, who was significantly taller, just gave her a look._

"_The lookout," I demanded, "for who?" Even though, you know, I had a pretty good idea who the who actually was. _

_Because who else would make two eleven year old girls stand in an empty corridor? Who?_

_They weren't even a good lookout. They had been giggling, running down the hallways, saying, "Nope!" every time it was, indeed, empty._

_They really must have been desperate._

"_She was just kidding," The dark haired one, Cami, shrugged. "She's not real funny, see."_

_The blondes eyes widened, "She's what?"_

"_Shut it, Em."_

_I decided to interfere. Em looked like she wanted to cry. She is what we call a follower, and it was obvious that Cami was a leader._

"_Hey, now!" Get ready for some Head Girl action. "I know someone is in there. Is it the Marauders?"_

_Cami scrunched her nose. "God, who are you, anyway?" She looked me up and down, a clear indication that she was checking me out. Or, you know, sizing me up. "What's your name?"_

_I scoffed. Really. "I'm the head girl. Who are you?"_

_She didn't look impressed at my title. I don't see why not. I am a power figure. A leader. I make this school a better place._

"_Camille Hut," She said, not without pride. She looked at Em, and began to grin. "That's Emiline Stils. But, hey. They didn't say _you _couldn't go in there. I mean, after all, you're head girl."_

_So, of course, I went in there. _

_Only to have like five gallons of sticky green like goop fall on my head._

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"_

"_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_---_

_END TRAUMATIC FLASHBACK_

This is not funny. The laughing was, of course, coming from Sirius Black. That quickly stopped, however, when I took out my wand and began firing at him (although, thanks to the goop, I couldn't really see, and I ended up hitting everything but).

And, my god, it smells.

Like, I don't know, goop. Like an overdose due to lemon sniffing.

Because it happens. People go around sniffing lemons, and then they OVERDOSE.

I don't see why you don't believe me, Diary. I know you don't.

ANYWAY.

Right after my rage of wand firing, having ended when Potter _knocked me down _(another thing that he will never be forgiven for, along with the fact that I think he's been stealing my socks), Professor McGonnagall came in and gave _me _detention. FOR NO REASON. I mean, I didn't even _hit _anyone. So then I had to spend like two hours writing "_I will not aim my wand at a fellow pupil again", _which I can't actually promise. But then, when she was about to let me go, P. McGonnagall was all, "Miss Evans, I just can't see this kind of behavior coming from you. Miss Reynolds, maybe, but not you. Is everything okay?"

Which I, of coarse, said, "Yeah, everything is fine."

But, guess what? SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. She just looked at me all funny, and got this diary out of her drawer, and told me to write in it. Which is pretty lame, if you ask me. But I guess you're not, so never mind.

If writing in this will make me less insane, than neat. I'll try it out.

Oh, Potter is back from _his _detention. He's talking to me, but I'm not listening, see? I'm ignoring him.

Now his face is getting all red, and not in the embarrassed way, but the mad way. Woah, hands thrown over his head, and now he went into his room like a BIG BABY.

I guess I'll write more later.

_**Monday, September 24th**_

_**The Great Hall - Breakfast**_

I just read last nights entry, I don't know why, and I realize how confused you must be, Diary.

See, James Potter is the spawn of Satan. I'm pretty sure.

Because you would only do what Potter does if you were, in fact, the spawn of Satan.

James Potter likes to hex innocent students.

James Potter enjoys mocking me.

James Potter….IS A BAD MAN.

He also belongs to a pack of wild beasts. Well, except for Remus. He got sucked into this thing, just because he's their roommate. I mean, how could he say no? They are intimidating people. Not to me, but to some.

Denise just looked at what I'm writing (which, I should tell her, is rude. But I won't, because she might pinch me. SHE'S DONE IT BEFORE!), and rolled her eyes.

Ah, Denise. Denise Reynolds.

What should we say about her?

Well, she's blonde (don't hold that against her though. She's actually pretty darn smart). She has Green eyes, like me. Only they're darker. And, OH YEAH, she's like 5'10, a whole seven inches taller than me.

I met here when I was a wee first year, and I had no one to sit by on the train. She took me in. Raised me, as if I was her own. She is my kin. My family. She--OW!

She won't let me write about her anymore. But, you know what, I'll just wait till you aren't looking!

WHAT WILL YOU DO THEN, HUH?

'STOP PINCHING ME YOU FREAK!"

_**Still Monday, September 24th**_

_**History of Magic**_

I don't see what Potter is so mad about. He's certainly ignored me more than I've ignored him.

And mine was _completely acceptable. _I mean, he just dumped five gallons of goop on me. I mean, I still smell like lemons.

So, him being mad at me? It's not fair.

I do not like to have someone made at me. Even if it is Potter.

"Are you sure," Denise just asked, "That you're not really bothered by this _because_ it's James that's mad at you, not just _someone?_"

"Denise," I started all gently, "Have you been putting crack in your cereal again?"

She let out an oh-aren't-you-funny laugh, but smiled like she was right.

I rolled my eyes. "You _must _be on crack," I whispered, because after all, this is class, "to think that. And stop reading my diary."

I swear, I don't know where she get's these ideas.

It must be the girls in the Gryffindor common room. They give her all these messed up ideas now, and because I no longer sleep in the dormitory, I can not shield her from their evil ways.

Whatever.

I just looked over at Potter, and he was leaning back in his chair looking at me. Ah. So he can't be mad at me.

He's looking at me. Looking at me is one of his favorite hobbies. I don't know why. I'm not much to look at, and it kinda irks me.

I mean, looking at Denise, sure. She's hot.

I don't know. The _way _he's looking at me, kinda glaring. I highly doubt that he's picturing me naked.

OH MY GOD.

I DID NOT WRITE THAT!

_**Even more Monday, September 24th**_

_**The Great Hall - Lunch**_

I don't even know why I come to lunch, here.

They _never _have grilled cheese. I have to go all the way down to the kitchen to get that, and I hate bugging the elves.

Even if they don't seem to be bothered, I know they are.

_**Tuesday, September 25th**_

_**The Great Hall - Breakfast**_

My god.

He is still mad at me.

Little Baby.

Someone is clearly PMSing. And it is not me.

Well, thank god it's not Denise either. She nearly took off my head last week when _she _had it.

_**Tuesday, September 25th**_

_**The Great Hall - Dinner**_

Okay, so even though I did nothing wrong, I'm going to apologize.

I seriously can not have him mad at me for something so stupid.

We have to patrol tonight, and there's no way he can get out of it like he did last night, when he had Remus Lupin cover for him.

I made sure. I told Lupin that if he, or anyone else switches with Potter, that I will kick him (Remus) in the "goodies".

I know how much he values his goodies. He's a man, is he not?

_**Tuesday, September 25th**_

_**Patrolling Some Corridor on the Fourth Floor **_

I can not believe this.

He has evaded every single one of my moves.

When we first left the Heads Common room I said, "It's pretty tonight," you know referring to the LAKE which is OUTSIDE in the light of the MOON.

And all he said was, "It's a hallway. And it's dark. You can't see anything."

Which is seriously rude of him.

I know it's a hallway. I was not talking about the _hallway._

And then when I said, "Cool statue," referring to an ugly witch statue on my left, which is, you know, _not _cool, but whatever.

All he did was raise one eyebrow, which I still can't do despite hours of practicing.

I seriously can not believe this.

I really want to make up with him, and go back to something relatively normal, and all he is doing is _evading _me.

WHATEVER.

_**Tuesday, September 25th**_

_**Heads Common Room**_

All right.

We're now…

It's just so weird

It's hard to write.

We are, in fact…._friends._

I don't know how this happened.

One minute we were throwing Ryan Rochester and whoever his snogging partner was, and the next we're friends.

I guess I blame myself.

I was always kinda pushy, I never really think things through when I do them. I mean, I couldn't just leave things the way the are.

This is how it happened.

We take away 30 points from Hufflepuff, 15 for Ryan and 15 for snog partner, and then continue walking.

James is still all moody, and I'm still all _what the heck _when I turn to him and say, "James, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have ignored you. It was rude. And I value ….. Whatever this is ….. too much to keep fighting with you. Forgive me?" 

And he's just looking at me like "GOD, YOU ARE INSANE WOMAN" when he _hugs me._

"Ah, oh..uhm, okay, yeah." And I awkwardly pat his back, aware that he is a very good hugger. I don't know what it is. Some people are just very good huggers. It's a gift, I guess.

He pulls back, his face red. Then I'm surprised, because he never blushes. Ever.

"Uh, yeah." James scratches the back of his ear and looking real weird. The he says, "So, you want to be friends?"

Now I was surprised.

Um, friends? With you? No.

No, Potter, I don't want to be friends with you.

I want you to leave me alone. I want you to look at other girls in class, and not be upset with me for stupid reason like ignoring you. I want a James Potter free life. And you can not be in that, seeing as you are James Potter.

But what I said was, "Oh, Sure."

I Shouldn't be allowed to live.

I do not want to be friends with James Potter.

This is wrong. Sick and wrong.

Just two days ago, he was dumping goop on my head, and now we're Nancy and Kelly, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

Umph.


	2. Chapter 2

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO hpfan555 MY ONLY REVIEWER.**

**THE FORCE IS WITH YOU hpfan555!!**

**(WARNING: **I DON'T EXACTLY REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT STAR WARS, AND THEREFORE I DON'T KNOW IF I'M THE BEST JUDGE ON WHETHOR OR NOT THE FORCE IS ACTUALLY WITH YOU. SO DON'T DO ANYTHING RASH, OKAY?

**

* * *

****Friday, September 28th - Heads Common Room**

Two days have passed since the official friendship of Lily Evans and James Potter.

And let me tell you….I DON'T LIKE IT. Seriously. Oh, yeah, no more obvious staring at me in class. Want to know why? Because now he sits next to me. Now he passes me notes with little jokes, or doodles. _Doodles. _It doesn't matter that these jokes are hilarious. It doesn't matter that these doodles (which often contain Sirius Black in a dress) are genius-like, even though they _are _stick figures.

It _does _matter that this is all wrong. This shouldn't be happening. He should be sitting on the other side of the room, and he should be passing the doodles to another girl. Maybe Peter Pettigrew. He looks like he could appreciate a good doodle.

I obviously can't.

It's also become pretty clear to me that Potter is extremely gifted. He finishes most of his assignments in half the time it takes me, and I am no slacker. It is just intensely annoying. Especially because he'll often lean over to ask if I need help, which makes me look pathetic. I don't need his help. I am seventeen years old. I've been getting along fine for seventeen whole years without the help of James Potter.

My god, what is wrong with me?

Get it together, woman. James is your friend. He's trying to **help **you.

Actually, no, I don't believe this. I think he is going to purposefully mess something up, just so I look bad in front of everyone. He is trying to force me over to the dark side.

THAT LITTLE RAT.

It isn't going to happen. No, no.

I am going to stop your little plan. You will not fo ce me to the dark side (although, I don't know, I heard they had cookies, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad).

You will not make me look bad in front of everyone, just because I might have rejected you once or twice. Oh, yeah.

I AM _ON _TO _YOU._

_

* * *

**More Friday, September 28th - Notes With Denise (Potions)**_

_**Lily, he is not using cookies to try and lure you to the dark side. - **__**Denise**_

_Oh, Denise. You are an innocent. I, who am older, and therefore wiser, know what he is up to. And - Oh, my GOD. He got to you! Are you WORKING with HIM? __- Lily_

_**What? Now who's on crack? And you are FOUR DAYS older than me. I'm sure those FOUR DAYS taught you a lot. But I think I have caught up in the time since then. -**__**Denise**_

_Uh, I didn't hear you deny it. Or. . .read you. Whatever.__- Lily_

_**No, Lily. I am not working with James. I am not helping him force you to the dark side. **__**- Denise**_

_Aha! So he is trying to force me to the dark side! I KNEW IT! How long did you know about this? Huh? I bet you two were cooking this little plan up since you two met. I can picture this. Well, Denise, It's not going to work! Hear me! Not going to work! __- Lily_

_**Lily, you crack head, we met when we were like one month old. WE ARE NOT TRYING TO FORCE YOU TO THE DARK SIDE! And would you watch where you throw the notes? The last one landed in my potion, and I could hardly read any of you rambling IRRATIONALITIES. **__**- Denise**_

_Irrationalities? I THINK NOT. __- Lily_

_**OW! Now you hit my head! What is wrong with you? There is no point in writing a not if it has three words on it! **__**- Denise**_

_Oh. . . I kinda liked writing to you. I couldn't think of anything to say, and I didn't want this to stop. Besides, counting my name, that's four words. In your _face. _- Lily_

_**OW! Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?! STOP HITTING ME! No more notes, Lily! NO MORE! Besides, you throw like a girl. **__**- Denise**_

* * *

**Still Friday, September 28th - The Great Hall (Dinner)**

So here I am, sitting at the dinner table. Who, I wonder is sitting across from me? Oh, that's right.

JAMES POTTER.

He is like a cockroach. He's not going to go away. He really meant this whole friends thing.

GAWD.

"…So then, Rochester keeps on walking out of the store, like nothing happened, when Sirius jumps out and _pulls down his pants!"_

Everyone, including Denise, is laughing at James' joke. Like it's the most hilarious thing that ever happened.

And, okay, I didn't exactly hear the whole joke. But I can't see how pulling down Ryan's pants is funny. Well, I can. But I refuse to laugh.

"OW!" I screamed, because someone has just kicked me underneath the table. And I'm pretty sure I know who.

"Lily"-Denise took no acknowledgement to the pain she just caused me-"Wasn't that funny?"

Everyone looked at me, waiting for my answer. I swear, she can be a real --

"Yeah, hahaha!"

This is too much work.

* * *

**Still Friday, September 28th - Some Corridor on the Second Floor**

Ryan Rochester must be the best looking guy in _the whole entire world. _

I know. He _must be_. His dark hair, blue eyes, and his nice muscles? PERFECT. And the fact that he's like 6'2, which is almost a foot taller than me.

Here I am, just walking in the corridor, and he walks up to me and say, "So, what's up?"

And I look at him, aware that he is so, SO HOT, and say, "Uhuhuhhhhmmmmmuuuh."

Then he just smiles (kind of lopsided, but reveals perfect white, straight teeth), and messes with his hair.

"Nothing," I said, after I cleared my throat. "Nothing is up."

"Well," He jumped in front of me, so I couldn't walk any more. "Will anything be up tomorrow, or will you be able to spend it with me?"

I was about to say yes. I really was. But then I remembered all the times I've pulled him out of closets. "Uh, no. I have to…wash my hair. Sorry."

He actually looked surprised. "_Really_?"

"Really."

"Well, Okay," He smiled again. It's a nice smile. Really, _really _nice.

"Well…see you, I don't know, later."

He walked a few steps backwards, and said, "Later."

Yeah. Later.

Wait…why did Sirius pull down his pants again?

* * *

**Saturday 29th - The Great Hall (Breakfast)**

"Lily," Denise sighed kind of impatiently. "Yes, I think he's _good looking_. But, no, I would never go out with him."

"Yes, but why?"

She threw a biscuit at me. God, she is so unreasonable. I just asked her a simple question, and she gets all crazy. This is why she doesn't have a boyfriend. It's because she goes around throwing biscuits at people when she could be just asking their simple questions. I don't have a boyfriend, of course, because I scare men. I don't know why.

"YOU ARE A BISCUIT THROWING PYSCOPATH!"

In answer to this she threw another biscuit at me. Which, of course, I ate.

. . . It was _really _good.

"Oh, what's wrong, Evans? Is Reynolds being a biscuit throwing psychopath, again?" Sirius Black asked, sitting on my right side.

My mouth widened. "What? She's done this before?"

God, it really does explain why she doesn't have a boyfriend. Guys ask her out, and BAM, biscuit in the face. I'm surprised that she doesn't actually carry around a whole _tin _of biscuits.

I think she does, actually.

"All the time." Sirius answered, taking some biscuits for himself.

I sighed. "You'll never get a man this way, Denise. Think about this - You're _sixty years old _and you have lots of cats. LOTS AND LOTS OF CATS--_Put those biscuits down!!"_

Jeez.

Denise shook her head. "I told you to stop writing about me."

I scoffed. She is so full of herself. I could be writing about _anything --_

"Lily, I know you're writing about me, because I can see it from across the table."

Darn!

Sirius laughed, trying to grab the diary from my hands, but I, um, bit him, and said, "Evans, I didn't know you kept a _diary._ That's awfully _girly _of you--"

"Coming from the man who has a _Feelings Journal _hidden underneath his bed._"_

I snorted, and looked up at Remus Lupin, the man who made this comment. "You keep a _feelings journal_, Black? Gee, that's awfully _girly _of you."

"Oh, shut it," He said, glaring not only at Remus, but at me, too. "Professor McGonnagall makes me write in it. It has nothing to do with my manliness. Just making a woman happy." He grinned. "I'm _awfully _good at making women happy."

He doesn't make _me _happy.

"Professor McGonnagall is making me write in this," I said. "It has nothing to do with my being _girly, _okay?" I can not believe I actually _am_ writing in it. It doesn't make _Black _any saner, so I don't know why it would me.

* * *

**Saturday 29th - Hospital Wing**

**LILY EVANS' WILL**

- All copies of my _Wicked Witch Magazine _will go to Denise. I know she likes to read the articles.

- My blue, fluffy pen will go to Alice Prewett. She's a nice girl, and she likes tickling Frank Longbottom with it. Sick, yes. But I live to make people happy.

- The fuller bottle of _It's A Snap _mood changing nail polish will go to Marlene McKinnon, while the emptier bottle will go to Emmeline Vance. She gave me a weird look the other day, just because I was crawling along the walls humming. I was _hiding_, okay?

- All of my books (excluding _I Feel Pretty_ and _How to Know You're Becoming a Woman _(gifts from the mother)will go to Remus.

- My hidden compartment of Honeydukes candy (located under my bed) will go to Peter, except for the chocolate will go to Remus.

- All of my clothes will go to some first year. Merlin knows those are the only people that would be able to fit into them.

- All of my socks will go to James. I have a feeling that he's taking them, anyway.

- All make-up and hair accessories will go to Professor McGonnagall. She needs the make-up, and a new hairstyle is long overdue.

* * *

**Saturday 29th - Gryffindor Common Room**

There is something wrong with that boy. There is. I swear, he popped out of his mother and said, "What can I do to ruin _Lily Evans' _Life? How about I wait until I am a seventh year at Hogwarts, and _hit down a bee hive _then make sure they _sting her many times _and THEN act like it was an accident? WOULD THAT BE GOOD?"

Well, okay, maybe he didn't say it. But I bet he was _thinking _it.

"Lily," Potter was on his knees. "I didn't mean to! Sirius and I were just throwing around the quaffle, and BAM it hit it! I mean, yeah, I should have _known _that he sucks at catching"-Sirius let out a "WHAT?"-"but I didn't even see that bee hive! I didn't even know Hogwarts HAD bee hives."

"I GLARE AT YOU." I said, unable to stop myself. "GRR."

HA! That's right. You _back away in fear._

"Did you-? Did you just _growl _at me?" He asked in disbelief. He stood up. "I can not believe you just--"

"GRRR!"

"WELL, GRR RIGHT BACK AT YOU!!"

My jaw dropped. He did not just _grr _at me!!

I stood up. I did not, unfortunately, tower over him, like I wanted. I mean, the man is like 6'3. Do you know how tall that is? Huh? It's TALL. Really tall. A whole foot taller then me.

So I looked next to me, and stood on the table. I was still about an inch shorter, but it didn't matter. What I lacked in height, I made up in fury. And, well, I was on my toes. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU DO NOT GRR AT ME! I GRR AT YOU!"

Potter scoffed. "Why the _hell _not? Cause you're a _girl_?"

Well. Yeah.

"_No_. Because you're the one that got me stung by _sixteen bees!" _I yelled. "I am not even going to GO INTO the pain that it caused me! After a bee stings you, IT DIES! YOU HAVE KILLED SIXTEEN BEES TODAY, POTTER! WHO COULD YOU KILL SIXTEEN BEES!?"

"Well, _actually," _He threw back. "They bit _you. _You killed the bees because of your BRIGHT BRIGHT hair! HOW COULD YOU KILL SIXTEEN BEES, EVANS? HUH?"

Oh. Oh, no he didn't.

Not…my _hair._

My eyes widened, and Sirius went, "Oh, he's GONNA GET IT!"

"You are SO DEAD TO ME!" I informed him angrily. "You know that? DEAD. I don't want to be friends with you, I don't want to be head girl with you, I don't want to LIVE under the same ROOF as you! YOU ARE SUCH A JERK."

I hopped off the table, and ran up the stairs, ignoring Potters yells ("You know what else is dead to you, Evans? SIXTEEN BEES."). What an idiot. His mother most have smoked some serious stuff when she was pregnant with him.

Well, that's it.

I hate James Potter. I truly, truly hate him.

It isn't even the hair comment. It's everything he's done to me over the years. Like, you know, breaking a bee hive right over my head.

Oh, my god. Maybe it is my fault. Why sixteen bees are dead, I mean. Denise didn't get stung _once._

No, I got stung because once the hive fell off the tree it hit me. So the bees blamed me, even though it is so clearly Potters fault. Who does that? Who throws quaffles at bee hives? Because it so wasn't an accident. He did it so CLEARLY on purpose. I am an innocent. I mean, sure, I've stolen cookies from the dark arts professor before. But he so would have given them to me anyway. I mean, they were on his desk. In the middle of the classroom! I just didn't want to seem like a pig!

Oh my god!

Bee's can smell fear! I bet they can also smell that I am a cookie stealer!

Potter doesn't NEED to lure me to the dark side! I ALREADY AM DARK! I kill bees, and I steal cookies! Next thing you know I'm going to start sniffing lemons to get high, and then I will OVERDOSE. OVERDOSE ON LEMONS. I am sick. I am sick and I don't deserve to be a witch. I will start to use my magic for evil purposes, like killing SIXTEEN THOUSAND BEES!

Oh, woe is me.

* * *

**Saturday 29th - 7th Year Girls Dormitory**

Denise has just entered my evil lair (well, actually, I'm on her bed), and rolled her eyes. Oh, she thinks it's funny. She would. She probably would enjoy the killing bees. HER darkness will go much farther than throwing biscuits, I'm sure.

"Lily, stop sniffing lemons, you head case." She demanded, trying to grab a lemon from my hands, but I slapped it away. "Okay, Fine." She said grudgingly. "Why are you sniffing lemons on my bed?"

I gave her an "isn't-it-obvious?" look. "Emmeline Vance put her trunks on my bed. God, who needs more then one? Five is a little much. And why is it on my bed?"

"Oh, yeah," Denis nodded. "They've been using you're old area as storage--"

"Old area?" I demanded. "It's still my bed, and I'm coming back. Those things will need to be moved, immediately."

"Woman, you have a whole huge room to yourself." Denise rolled her eyes. "You're not coming back here, I don't care what you say." Man, she is so insensitive. I just figured out that I am doomed to a bee killing life, and she wont even let me come back to my bed. Can't she see that in my time of need I need to be surrounded by close friends? Well, okay, friends. Besides Denise, I have no _close_ friends. "Now why are you sniffing a lemon?"

I held the lemon closer to my chest, in case she was going to try and snatch it from me again. "They help the pain go away…"

She rolled her eyes (again), and ignored my warning that she was going to go blind if she was going to keep doing that. "I'll be fine," She picked up a lemon off her bed, and, after I lunged to try and get it back ("Sharing is caring, Lily!"), and smelled it. "It does smell kinda good."

"You're not ready for this, D." I warned. "You need to start off with smaller fruits and veggies, such as grapes and tomatoes--"

"Are you high?" She asked. "Is that what you've been doing up here? Smelling grapes and tomatoes?"

"It's the new Lily Evans, Denise. She's a bad girl." I sniffed (as in, sniffled. Not a lemon). "It isn't pretty, but what is in this life? It's a cruel, cruel world. You need to prepare yourself--"

"Oh, shut up."

See what I mean about her being insensitive? She totally doesn't care about anything but herself. I'm seeing a whole new side of her.

"And stop writing about me."

I turned to lay on my stomach, hiding my head. "YOU ARE SO INSENSITIVE!" I cried, unable to keep the thought in my head. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

She scoffed. "What is wrong with me? What is wrong with _you?"_

"_Nothing."_

"Lily! You are up here SNIFFING FRUITS! That is a _clear sign _that there is, in fact, something wrong with you!" She sat on the bed next to me. "Now what is it?_"_

"I'm…"I took a shallow breath. "I'm a _bee killer!"_

I could FEEL her roll her eyes. Feel it in my bones.

"Ooooh, Lily." She patted my back. "You are not a bee killer. It never would have happened if the quaffle didn't hit the hive. It's not your fault."

"No bees hit you," I pointed out. "And you were right next to me. They knew I was a cookie stealer so they bit me, to punish me, and then they _died."_

"What-? They knew you were a cookie stealer-?" She sounded confused. I guess I can't blame her, actually. "This is not your fault. If they hadn't bit you, they would have bitten somebody else. You did a good thing today. A wonderful sacrifice."

I knew she was full of crap, but she was full of crap for me. And this made me feel a little better. "You're right," I lied. "I am at no fault."

Denise smiled. "I am right," Then she pushed me off her bed. "Now get out, I'm tired."

…

I still think she's insensitive.

* * *

**A/N: **Life is a very interesting thing. Don't you think? There are interesting people, interesting places, and many interesting stories. It's ALSO very interesting how I only got ONE REVIEW. That's the most interesting thing of all. Forty-Seven hits, four alerts, and ONE review.

You guys, you've made me very, very sad. Do you know that? And I just don't think I can continue a story that nobody likes, or likes enough to review. Remember…comments LOVE, so why don't you make me smile?

In other words……

PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

**Feelings Journal of Sirius Black (**_**From now on called F.J.S.B.)**_

**Monday, October 1st - Head Boys Room**

_**Confestim Perscribo**_

"So," James said suddenly, speaking his first word since me and my fellow Marauders had entered the room ten minutes at me. He looked (or _glared, glowered, _possibly even _'stared down with hatred') _at Peter Pettigrew _(Ah, wormy) _from where he laid on his four-poster bed. "I have decided that this whole _situation _is your fault. And you _will help me fix it_."

_I looked at Peter, who was standing less than a foot away from me (really, Worm? Couldn't give me a little space to myself?) and frowned. _"Aw, come on, Prongs." I said. "This isn't Worms fault--"

"I WAS TALKING TO YOU, SIRIUS."

Remus snorted, trying to hide his laughter. Yeah, YOU'RE NOT DOING A GREAT JOB, THERE, MOONY. "Are you serious?" I asked.

"No, _you're _Sirius--" Wormtail started.

"That will never be funny. Ever." I decreed. "Unless I say it myself."

James continued glaring at me. "I am _completely _serious. The plan was going great, and you totally ruined it."

"**I **ruined it? ME?" I shrieked _(a manly shriek) _incredulously. "I believe _you _threw the ball, and it was _you _who called her a bee KILLER."

"You could have caught it! WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH IT, PADS?"

_I didn't answer. I hadn't caught the ball because I heard _that girl _laughing, and I was looking around for _her_. But then the ball came straight at me, bounced off my head, flew into the tree and hit the bee hive. _

I laughed uncomfortably. "It's actually a little comical if you think about it. I mean, what are the _chances _of it flying into a tree above where Evans and Reynolds were sitting? And then there was a bee hive in it?" I chuckled a little more. "Really, what are the _odds?"_

"Apparently," Remus started wryly. "Very high."

_That's really NOT helping…._

"What the hell is that scratching?" Prongs snapped.

_Heh. Probably shouldn't have brought you, journal._

I adjusted my body in front of the desk so James wouldn't see my journal, or the pen floating above it, documenting everything that was happening.

"Padfoot brought his feelings journal."

"Merlin, Worms! She isn't a _feelings _journal." I looked at him in disbelief. "Do you remember what we talked about less than fifteen ago?"

Peter raised his bushy eyebrows. "You said to not tell James you brought it. 'Strictly don't ask, don't tell.'"

"And what did you just do?"

"Yeah, but he asked!"

"The saying isn't 'don't ask, don't tell unless they ask and therefore you can tell.'"

"I'm pretty sure that is how it goes--"

"You brought the feelings journal into my room?" James asked. "That is one of the basic rules of my room. No super feminine and girly diaries pass through that doorway--"

"She's a JOURNAL. And she DOCUMENTS." I corrected. "And her cover has a _broom _on it Not girly _or feminine."_

Remus said, "She?"

I shrugged. "It feels more normal if I think of her as a person, not a book--"

"_More normal? _If you pretend the book is a _person?_"

_It's okay, journal. They just don't know you like I do…_

"Why don't we get back to the ridiculous plan?" I snapped impatiently.

James sighed, and sat up in his bed. "Are you going to record this?"

"Yes."

"Fine." James said, resigned. "First we have to make Lily realize I'm good boyfriend material. Since I can no longer show her that through _friendship," _James stopped a second to glare at me. "we'll have to think of some way to do it differently."

---

**Diary of Lily Evans**

**Monday, October 1st - Kitchen, Dinner Time**

House Elves, I realize, are _very _sympathetic. Very unlike certain blonde friends who shall remain nameless (cough Denise cough)

"And then," I finished tragically. "Because my bright hair made them angry, they bit me. And- and do you what happens when a bee bites you?"

Bowie, a little kitchen elf with a large nose, shook his head frantically. "What happens, Miss?" He asked, caught in all the suspense.

"The bee…_dies!!" _I sobbed.

"No!" Bowie cried. "Are you certain?"

"Completely certain." I took a shaky breath. "And then I was all sad, you know? So I went to my room, and conjured a bunch of fruits and stuff…and then I sniffed them! To get rid of the pain!!"

"Oh, Miss, you didn't!" Bowie looked frantic. "Me cousin, Gladys, used to do that. It caused her some serious problems, it did!" Bowie shook his little head. "It was the lemons, miss…once you start, you can't stop."

I gasped. Oh my god. I was going down a path of _evil. _What if I can't stop? What if the temptation is just too strong? Bowie's nose was a bit large though. What if that makes it different? It's probably a stronger high when your nose is that large, and my nose is small--

Oh, Merlin, is this _denial??_

Sniffing is bad, Lily! No more sniffing!

"I'll stop, Bowie, I swear I will."

---

**A/N: I'm sure all of you hate me. I don't really have an excuse for why I didn't update, except I had no internet and a serious case of writers block. I'm writing more now, I just wanted to get this chapter up as soon as possible.**

**And check out my other story, Watcher. It's an original, so even if you haven't read the mediator series you can still read it and not be all "wtf is going on?"**

**So, you know the drill! Read and review (please)!!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Fast update, no? They'll be even faster if I get a little…inspiration. Wink Wink. You know what I'm saying… But if you don't, I mean review…**_

**---**

**Monday, October 1st  
****7th Years Girls Dorm, after Dinner**

"Lily, where have you _been?" _Denise asked. "You weren't in any of your classes, so I told all of our professors that you were sick. I was seriously worried."

Aw. Isn't that cute? Denise totally missed me. Maybe she's more sympathetic than I thought she was.

"…and I was totally counting on you to do that potion today, you know I'm no good at that. I had to it all by myself. Slughorn was almost peeing himself laughing at the result."

Um, OR she just was just wanting to use me for her own selfish reasons. Just when I was starting to give her some credit…

"I am so glad you were concerned for my well being," I said, choosing to ignore the hunch that she WASN'T. "But I was in the kitchens…being consoled by a very lovable, _sympathetic _elf named Bowie."

"Oh, god." Denise rolled her eyes. "You didn't kill the bees, Lily. They're like kamikaze bees, okay? They did it to themselves."

So cold and uncaring, she was.

"I am not uncaring!" Denise snapped. "And don't write about me!"

Isn't she so self entered? I clearly had an epiphany, and all she can do is make up these lies--

"They _aren't _lies! I SEE YOU WRITING--"

--and so pushy. I can't understand why Professor McGonagall hasn't given her one of these--

"Because I'm not insane, like you clearly are."

"Do you mind?" I said, looking up to meet her angry gaze.

And that's how I got kicked out of the dorm room.

---

**Tuesday, October 2nd  
****Head Girls Room**

I swear, I had a drawer full of socks. Toe socks, knee socks, all the socks you can imagine. They were all in my drawer. Until recently.

Where did all my socks go?

---

**Tuesday, October 2nd  
****Great Hall - Breakfast**

"I just don't understand why you wouldn't bring me any socks. I owled, clearly asking to borrow a pair of socks." I said, confused. "You replied with a 'Sure'. 'Sure' means 'YES', Denise. Not 'NO'."

"I didn't think you were serious." Denise shrugged.

I scoffed. "I am _sock-less. _Did you think I was joking? Because asking to borrow socks isn't exactly funny."

"_You're _not funny."

Sometimes it feels like she's _trying _to hurt me.

---

**Tuesday, October 2nd  
****Transfiguration**

"…today we will be having a pop quiz! Everybody take off one of your socks, and transfigure them into a sweater!"

This is a sick joke.

---

**F.J.S.B  
****Tuesday, October 2nd  
****Transfiguration**

"Evans is glaring at you, Prongs." I said.

James looked across the room at Lily, and visibly cringed when he met her gaze. "Oh, god." He said. "She looks like she wants to kill me."

Remus frowned. "I think this bee situation upset her more than we thought it would."

"What is she doing?" I asked, watching as she put a bare leg on the desk. Lily jabbed her finger at her shin, and then at James. "Did you kick her in the shin or something?"

"No. I don't think so." James set his wand down, and put both of his hands the air, in a _I have no idea what you're saying _way.

Her eyes narrowed, if possible, even more. She pointed to her eye, tapped her forehead, pointed to James, then to ran her finger up and down her shin.

"I'm really hoping you know what she's saying…" I said.

James looked alarmed. "Maybe she want's me to shave her legs? Like, to make up for having her attacked?"

"That doesn't make any sense," Remus shook his head. "I don't think she would want you anywhere near her body--"

"Thanks, buddy."

"--When you have a razor in your hand." Remus finished.

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Maybe she wants you to shave _your _legs."

---

**The Diary of Lily Evans  
****Tuesday, October 2nd  
****Transfiguration**

"The boy is dense." I stated. "He can't honestly play dumb with me. I know he stole my socks."

Denise slapped her forehead. "Why would James want to steal your socks?"

"They're very fashionable."

"His feet are like twice the size of your feet. He wouldn't fit into them" Denise said, reasonably. _She _thought it was reasonable, anyway.

"I don't know, Denise!" I said, running out of ideas. "Maybe he thought it would be a funny prank!"

Denise mumbled, "Sock jokes _aren't _funny…"

"I HAD REALLY WANTED TO BORROW A PAIR OF SOCKS. IT WAS NOT A JOKE."

---

**Wednesday, October 3rd  
****Great Hall - Breakfast**

Today, Denise actually let me borrow a pair of socks. That made me think the day wouldn't be too bad.

Wrong-o, wrong-y, wrong.

I sat down on the bench next to Alice Prewitt, and smiled at her. When I reached for an orange…it disappeared with a little _pop _sound.

I looked around. No Marauders were in sight. Thinking I was hallucinating, maybe, I went to grab another one. It disappeared with a slightly louder popping noise.

"Alice, did that orange just disappear?"

She gave me a strange look. Jeez, I don't know why everyone always looks at me like I'm insane. I'm _not. _Not _exactly. _"I don't think so, Lily." She said gently.

"Huh," I said. "Could you maybe pass me one?"

After another strange look, she passed me one. It didn't disappear. "Ah, thank you." I said. Then, the _second _she looked away the orange disappeared. "What the frick?!!?" I shrieked.

More strange looks.

"The oranges are _DISSAPEARING." _I called out. "I'm not insane!!"

I don't think any of them believed me.

---

_**A/N: Review. You know you want to. I'm running to 7/11, because I need energy drinks and twizzlers. Peace. I'll start writing the next chapter when I get back.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**F.J.S.B.  
****Wednesday, October 3****rd  
****Head Boys Bathroom  
**_**Confestim Perscribo**_

"You are _seriously _going to shave your legs?" I asked. "Because Evans might have possibly hinted at it?"

_And then Remus shocked all of us._

"I agree with Sirius, James." Remus said. "Lily would never ask you to shave your legs. That's…kind of weird."

"Kinky." Peter agreed.

James started to apply the shaving cream to his right leg, ignoring all of us.

"This is _ridiculous!_" I said. "Evans isn't into weird stuff like this. I know you think Evans will get all hot and bothered when she sees your smooth legs, but, well, that's sort of creepy. And yeah, Lily's a little weird. But I don't think she's…kinky…" I glanced at Peter, who put his thumbs up at the word I chose.

"And I don't think she would do this to embarrass you." Remus added.

"Maybe you should ask her if that's what she wanted you to do." I said, getting an idea. "Before you do it, and maybe do it wrong?"

_It's ridiculous, really, how far he was willing to go for a girl who didn't even like him. It was a little embarrassing, as well. He trusted that one day he would win Lily over, so he was doing everything in his power to please her. It was really cool that he could put so much trust into something, some_ girl_. He was the only one I knew who could have that much faith._

"It _would _be embarrassing if I interpreted her wrong." James admitted. He grinned. "She'd probably think I was caring, or a good listener or something, if I asked her. Good boyfriend behavior."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Uh, yeah. Good boyfriend behavior. That's what she'll think."

"Great idea, Pads." He said, slapping my back.

_I just wish that he could have washed the shaving cream off his hand _before _he did that._

_---_

**Diary of Lily Evans  
****Wednesday, October 3****rd  
****Head Girls Room**

The Reynolds sisters looked eerily like identical twins, even though Denise is a 7th year, and Danica is a 5th year. Both girls have light blonde hair and green eyes. They're both freakishly tall, as well. But they don't see the resemblance, and they usually get into fights over the stupidest things. I'm sure if they had both been sorted into Gryffindor, they would have cause quite a commotion in the common room. But thankfully, Danica was sorted into Ravenclaw. The only fights they get into now are on the Quidditch field.

"Is she writing about us?" Danica asked suspiciously.

Through gritted teeth, Denise said, "Probably."

"Oh," Danica said. "That's kind of cool. I'm like, marked down in a history book."

Did I mention that Danica is my favorite of the two? I mean, really. Why can't Denise have that attitude?

"It's not a _history _book. If anyone is going to read it, it's going to be used as a _psychology _book."

**SHE'S SO FREAKING RUDE.**

Danica laughed. "Did you hear about what happened at breakfast this morning?" She asked Denise, as if I wasn't even here. "I was sitting all the way across the room at the Ravenclaw table, and I head her scream '_The oranges are disappearing!' _It was so hilarious."

Um, unsurprisingly, I don't agree. It was so not funny. I got five points taken off of Gryffindor because I had screamed 'frick' in the great hall. And still, no one believed me. Even Professor McGonagall asked if I had been writing regularly in my journal, and if it was helping me at all. It was so embarrassing.

Then someone knocked on my door. It wasn't really a shock that I knew it was Potter. I mean Denise and Danica are the only friends of mine who are let into the head common room, which branches into the two separate head dorm rooms.

"Go away!" I called out to him.

"I really need to talk to you, Lily!" He called back.

I groaned. "Give me back my socks first!"

"I…w-what? What socks?"

Um, yeah. Innocent totally doesn't work for him. I mean, I'm not stupid. Third year Potter and Sirius stole the girls bras, and charmed them to follow the Slytherin's quidditch team. Stealing my socks was sort of related, I think. I wanted them back.

"The socks that you _stole _for some _stupid joke._ Give it up, Potter. You can't fool me."

Danica laughed. "He stole your socks as a joke? That's so lame. Socks aren't funny."

Denise let out an exasperated sigh. "Exactly!"

"Yeah, Lily, I, uh, did not steal your socks." Potter said through the door. "…Was that what you were saying in transfiguration the other day?"

What the hell was he talking about? What else could I have been talking about? How stupid did he think I was? "What else would I have been saying?" I asked, completely unable to keep the question in my head.

"Erm…I thought you were talking about me --"

"--stealing your socks." I heard Remus finish. Then nothing. After a few more minutes of silence, I opened the door, and saw that they had disappeared.

It's a wonder, really, why they were so popular. They acted weirder than I did. And I usually had some sort of reason for it.

---

**Thursday, October 4****th  
****Great Hall - Breakfast**

I went down for breakfast early today. I figured if anymore fruit disappeared on me, I wouldn't want an audience for how reacted.

I sat directly in front of a gold bowl, and stared it down. This fruit wasn't going anywhere on me. Lily eats the fruit, and there is nothing the fruit can do about it.

Yeah, I so went there. Beat that, _you stupid bowl of grapes._

Lily is amazing. Lily rocks, some say. Lily is _better _than a bowl of _fruit--_

Lily needs to stop talking in the third person. Like, pronto.

I snatched my hand out quickly, trying to catch a grape by surprise. The grape disappeared with a faint popping sound. Annoyed, I put my hands behind my back…and shoved my face in the bowl, mouth open. A loud _crack _sounded as the entire bowl disappeared, and my face smacked into wooden table.

Um, ow.

"Miss Lily!" A squeaky voice said. "Bowie sir is trying to help you, miss! Why wonts you let him?"

I turned around quickly. Sure enough, a little elf was standing behind me. "Um, what?" I asked brilliantly.

The little elf teetered on the balls of his (her? It was sort of hard to tell…), and said, "Sir Bowie…told us elves of your…um, problem, miss, if that's what you call it." The elf wrung around his hands. "We elves have had _firm _instructions to keep all fruits and such away from you…lest you, well, sniff them…"

My jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

"Bowie cares very much, Miss. You, being the head girl, are supposed to be a example." She/He actually seemed to look down at me. "Not be sniffing and such…"

"I wasn't going to sniff them!" I shrieked. "I was going to eat them!"

She/He nodded. "Bowie did say you were havin' a little difficulty accepting your…problem--"

"I WASN'T GOING TO SNIFF THEM."

The little elf looked offended, and snapped his/ her fingers, disappearing with a _crack._

---

**A/N: A Short chapter, yeah, but whatever. This is like the third update today. That's sort of like one super large update, or two average ones. Reviews are amazing guys…so why don't **_**you **_**be amazing? Hmm?**


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